Making Decision makers out of our kids

Every moment that we spend with a child, a decision is made. From larger decisions to smaller ones, we devote a lot of our time to making the right decisions for our kids and we all yearn for the day when our children will grow up to have good judgment themselves. So what can we do to make them self reliant and good decision makers? What can we do to instill good values that truly form the basis of all determination? Like any other skill this too needs nurturing and needs the attention for its development. It is something that grows with your child and sometimes involves our growth as well. A step-by-step approach that may require fine tuning to fit each child’s unique level, is presented here.

1. Choose to let go: We should let go of certain choices that mean a lot to our children and not as much to us. Selection about what to do right now, read a book, solve a puzzle, watch TV, or dance to music is choice worth letting go, because it means a whole lot to your child. Trying to take control of every minute of their lives only makes them more dependent on us. No matter what the age of the child, they like to make these decisions. Just as a gardener does not try to make the seed sprout, he knows without a doubt, that it will happen because that is the natural instinct of the seed. The same way, once we let go, children naturally start developing good judgment.

2. Give their decisions enough attention: They are still children and they look for your approval. During the process of decision making as well as when the options are being weighed, they like to know that they have your attention. On the one hand we are letting go, but on the other hand it should not be interpreted as indifference. Show interest in what they are thinking, ask questions, nod your head, and discuss various options and their related outcomes.

3. Have no doubts on their capabilities: This whole process of loosening the strings a little bit not only helps us understand the way our children think, but also help us witness their maturity. More parents underestimate the decision making capabilities of their children rather than overestimate them. If we are willing to observe, our children have a unique way of thinking through a problem, and coming up with a solution that may refresh our minds as well. We need to have that faith, just like a letter does not need to be sent twice, we know that the message will be delivered. Similarly, we must have confidence that once we let go and give them our attention, good judgment will come.

4. Do not attach yourself to the outcome: A little flexibility, a little detachment with the outcome does wonders to this skill that you are developing in your child. We all have a tendency to let the child think through a problem as long as somehow, they end up with the solution that we have predetermined in our mind. We tend to congratulate them if it matches what we had originally thought and continue to work with them if it is even slightly different from what we expected. That’s where we need to fine tune ourselves. You can witness miraculous results once you let go of your attachment to the outcome and let your child stay with the decision they have chosen to make.

Once they begin to reap the harvest of what they sow, they will develop likes and dislikes of their own, and they will learn to make better choices each time as opportunity comes their way. The sooner they learn, to make mistakes, the sooner, they will learn to recover from them. Let them make those choices while you can protect and support them. Incidentally, this is also the time of their life when we are willing to give them our full attention and they are looking towards you for guidance. It does not get any better than that. Don’t make all the choices for them.