Thursday, April 21, 2011

Making Decision makers out of our kids

Every moment that we spend with a child, a decision is made. From larger decisions to smaller ones, we devote a lot of our time to making the right decisions for our kids and we all yearn for the day when our children will grow up to have good judgment themselves. So what can we do to make them self reliant and good decision makers? What can we do to instill good values that truly form the basis of all determination? Like any other skill this too needs nurturing and needs the attention for its development. It is something that grows with your child and sometimes involves our growth as well. A step-by-step approach that may require fine tuning to fit each child’s unique level, is presented here.

  1. Choose to let go: We should let go of certain choices that mean a lot to our children and not as much to us. Selection about what to do right now, read a book, solve a puzzle, watch TV, or dance to music is choice worth letting go, because it means a whole lot to your child. Trying to take control of every minute of their lives only makes them more dependent on us. No matter what the age of the child, they like to make these decisions. Just as a gardener does not try to make the seed sprout, he knows without a doubt, that it will happen because that is the natural instinct of the seed. The same way, once we let go, children naturally start developing good judgment.

  1. Give their decisions enough attention: They are still children and they look for your approval. During the process of decision making as well as when the options are being weighed, they like to know that they have your attention. On the one hand we are letting go, but on the other hand it should not be interpreted as indifference. Show interest in what they are thinking, ask questions, nod your head, and discuss various options and their related outcomes.

  1. Have no doubts on their capabilities: This whole process of loosening the strings a little bit not only helps us understand the way our children think, but also help us witness their maturity. More parents underestimate the decision making capabilities of their children rather than overestimate them. If we are willing to observe, our children have a unique way of thinking through a problem, and coming up with a solution that may refresh our minds as well. We need to have that faith, just like a letter does not need to be sent twice, we know that the message will be delivered. Similarly, we must have confidence that once we let go and give them our attention, good judgment will come.

  1. Do not attach yourself to the outcome: A little flexibility, a little detachment with the outcome does wonders to this skill that you are developing in your child. We all have a tendency to let the child think through a problem as long as somehow, they end up with the solution that we have predetermined in our mind. We tend to congratulate them if it matches what we had originally thought and continue to work with them if it is even slightly different from what we expected. That’s where we need to fine tune ourselves. You can witness miraculous results once you let go of your attachment to the outcome and let your child stay with the decision they have chosen to make.

Once they begin to reap the harvest of what they sow, they will develop likes and dislikes of their own, and they will learn to make better choices each time as opportunity comes their way. The sooner they learn, to make mistakes, the sooner, they will learn to recover from them. Let them make those choices while you can protect and support them. Incidentally, this is also the time of their life when we are willing to give them our full attention and they are looking towards you for guidance. It does not get any better than that. Don’t make all the choices for them.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Resonance

Resonance is evident in the fact that human mind reacts to a setting. It is the law of nature that brings about harmony and it is something we are naturally designed for. It is materialized in the fact that we set up various rooms in our homes for various purposes. In our home, for example, our family room is filled up with board games, magazines and a comfortable couch. The vibrations of the room also set the tone for our cozy, playful mood, which completely resonates with the space. Our family shares a lot of laughter, and fun times in this room. We don’t wait to be asked to join in, we all just naturally seem to gravitate towards this rhythm of the room. Our dining space on the other hand, is set up to bring out the sparrows in us. We seem to get chirpy and begin to share the day’s happenings in this space. Basically each room has it’s own setting, it’s own tones, it’s own character, it’s own vibes that stimulate our thought and intuit our energies in it’s own unique way.

The awareness and understanding of this concept can allow each family to define a space in their homes where certain activities are ‘generally done’. It creates spaces where certain family values can be emphasized and invoked if necessary. If this is done earlier on, when our children are still young, they grow to resonate with these settings as well. Up until 8 years of age, as defined in the Indian culture, the child’s mind is moldable into cultural and moral compositions of the family. It begins when, each time a baby is held warmly close to his mother, his heartbeat dissolves into that of his mother in order to follow the law of resonance. These chimes continue as the child begins to grow and bloom in their own special way. This very pulse, in their adolescent years, provides them relief from the confusion that starts to develop in their minds. They derive comfort from each space in their home as all the settings begin to show their significance. This is also a time when parents need to develop resonance with their children’s thoughts and feelings. A common setting such as prayer room with a theme melody of truth, helps connect and hold onto the vibrations that were originally emphasized in life.

Naturally our minds and bodies look for rhythms of waves in our surroundings, to tune ourselves with. That is the ultimate reality which when noticed can be harmoniously applied to the upbringing of children to create symphony in family life.