Our children are growing up in times when there’s plenty to do. Their brains are continuously stimulated by toys at home, electronics such as DVD players, video games, and smart phones even in the cars.Theres lots of ‘pressure’ to be ‘included’ with other children. All of that fills up their day with activities where they can make more friends. With an effort to get socially acceptable, they end up hopping from one activity to the other with a desire to excel in each. During this up bringing, a subtle message of ‘achievement’ is given to our children. Doing well in all the activities , being ‘liked’ by everyone, becomes a measure that unfortunately children begin to gauge themselves against. In this process, we are training our kids to stay away from ‘loneliness’ because that word itself carries a negative aura along with it which has the potential of developing into major problems later on in life. We know that we cannot fabricate their future entirely but we can certainly try and equip them with skills to keep themselves occupied and busy while they make the right choices in their lives and feel accomplished in the decisions they take. And dedication of ours fills up their day a little too much.
In today’s fast paced societies all activities – social, educational and entertaining, are very carefully chosen by parents in order to ensure that their children never feel ‘bored’. Little do they realize that what they are unconsciously doing is training their children to not be able to deal with ‘nothing to do’ time. In reality, each one of us will encounter a time in our lives when we have practically nothing to do. And what we end up overlooking is that children need to develop comfort with themselves. They need to be comfortable in their own company without the electronic world supporting them. Authentic happiness is derived by any human being when they are completely content to be on their own. Having dreams and ambitions is one thing. Of course it’s worth all the effort to work towards accomplishing these dreams but something we also need to provide is ‘alone’ time. Most children would be uncomfortable and restless with ‘aloneness’ and would continue to announce that they are ‘bored’. This word only magnifies with age into loneliness. Part of a very significant training is to allow for some quiet spare time everyday when they do not have anything to do. It is important to make this a time of zero expectations, a time when a child can develop some introspection. This too needs to start early in life. There needs to a place where they are in a peaceful, non-stimulating setting where they develop awareness of themselves. I personally recommend having at least one clutter free room in the house with absolutely minimal furniture and absolutely no toys or electronics. This can be a place where the family can just be – alone or together – but without any external stimulation or distraction what so ever.
This develops self-confidence like no other training. A child who is aware and comfortable with one self develops into a much more self confident adult. Such individuals develop relationships without depending on them. They develop attachment without the fear of loss or loneliness. They are able to maintain relationships without the unnecessary suspicion or jealousy. It gives them a feeling of worth without always having to feel ‘accepted’ or worrying about being seen with people at all times. This way they develop a sense of security and in turn learn to keep their expectations from others lower as well. This leads to a happier life with lower levels of disappointment. It keeps them away from a craving of being accepted or being helped or supported by others. That’s of course not to say that they will not accept support or help in times of need. It only curbs the wantingness of completeness through the approval of others.
In truth , we all came alone into this world and will leave alone. In between we train ourselves and our children to want, cling, possess, attach, and belong to others for happiness. It all works out great while we continue to get what we desire. And then we continue to want, cling, possess, attach and belong even more. This goes on and on to an unending extent unless we decide to put in the effort to train ourselves and our children to be content by being ‘alone’. Only once we know ourselves and are at ease with ourselves can we feel confident and comfortable treading on any path that we choose to. Freeing up some time from our children’s lives prepares them for this reality without being ‘bored’ every time they have a few minutes to do ‘nothing’. The sooner we get this word out of their lives, the better it is for them.
