Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Make it a joy ride

Early adolescence – it is a stage that begins somewhere between 9 and 12 years of age with a loss. A loss of traditional playfulness and childhood interests, and unfortunately also a loss of traditional bonding and compatibility with parents. It is also a beginning to a journey that is still unclear, undefined, and unspecified. The child who is used to being told what to do and being treated like a child begins to start feeling disconnected to eventually reach a transition point where they stop accepting parental guidance without being judgmental about it.
Once we, as parents realize this, it becomes our job to learn to adapt to these changes that our child is going through. It does become difficult to stay connected with our child, but it is by far the most important time of their lives when we need to stay involved and interested in everything they do, inspite of the ‘leave-me-alone’ signals that they begin to transmit. The parent-child relationship is then going through the most difficult developmental challenge that includes changes in the levels of attachment, compatibility and compliance. Adolescent kids are ready to explore the ‘family’ of friends and look for attachments outside their blood relations with a goal of social independence. They are ready to differentiate themselves as individuals accommodating new interests and values that appeal to them. They develop a tendency to form opinions about family rules and restraints only to establish freedom of choice. In the process of ‘growing up’ and developing self-determination, they voice their opinions which have the potential of being misinterpreted by parents as opposition and rebelliousness. In reality, this too is a developmental stage that we , as parents, need to recognize as a natural phenomenon. Though they themselves are going through major painful trade-offs, a perceived lack of support or freedom within the family can lead to insecurity, anxiety and loneliness through these years.
The challenge for parents is to make them feel secure without making them feel intruded upon, to treat them as adults without losing sight of the child in them, to allow them to experiment with life within safe and respectful limits; and most of all without judging them or their actions as good or bad. It is absolutely critical for parents to maintain the positive communication even through all conflicts and differences of opinion. While accepting that our child is on his/her own developmental trajectory, we need to continue to provide structure and supervision to help channel this growth so it unfolds constructively and responsibly.
Looking beyond self-development and conflicts within the family, our adolescent is also going through physical changes and depending on the environment they are in, may even be witnessing glimpses of negativity such as teasing, exclusion, bullying, rumoring, ganging up  and teen dating abuse. Each one of these can be elaborated upon separately but for the purposes of this particular blog, it suffices to say that positive communication and perceived support must always be maintained. Our children must be encouraged to share not only their positive and negative observations of their world but also relate incidents neutrally which may not seem ‘negative’ to them as a young adult. As parents, we may be able to see through certain actions and incidents that could potentially cause anxiety at a later stage.
Generation gap is one challenge and cultural variation is another one that immigrant parents need to bridge. We grow up in different countries with slightly different values, adapt ourselves with the adult culture in the adopted country and now have to condition ourselves to adolescent culture as well. By far this is the most challenging stage an immigrant family has to go through but with sufficient openness and adaptability, this promises to be the most joyful time for a family as well.


This blog is the first in the series of an attempt to raising preventive awareness among Asian families living in the New England area about teen dating abuse. This is being published as a support to the cause of ATASK, a $1.7M, United Way-affiliated, non-profit that operates New England's only multilingual and culturally relevant emergency shelter, advocacy services, and linguistically and culturally relevant outreach and education programs for Asian communities. Their main focus is prevention through awareness, and support through shelters and counseling, the victims of Domestic Violence and Teen Dating Abuse. For more information about please visit their website www.atask.org 

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Bored?

Our children are growing up in times when there’s plenty to do. Their brains are continuously stimulated by toys at home, electronics such as DVD players, video games, and smart phones even in the cars.Theres lots of ‘pressure’ to be ‘included’ with other children. All of that fills up their day with activities where they can make more friends. With an effort to get socially acceptable, they end up hopping from one activity to the other with a desire to excel in each. During this up bringing, a subtle message of ‘achievement’ is given to our children. Doing well in all the activities , being ‘liked’ by everyone, becomes a measure that unfortunately children begin to gauge themselves against. In this process, we are training our kids to stay away from ‘loneliness’ because  that word itself carries a negative aura along with it which has the potential of developing into major problems later on in life. We know that we cannot fabricate their future entirely but we can certainly  try and equip them with skills to keep themselves occupied and busy while they make the right choices in their lives and feel accomplished in the decisions they take. And dedication of ours fills up their day a little too much.
In today’s fast paced societies all activities – social, educational and entertaining, are very carefully chosen by parents in order to ensure that their children never feel ‘bored’. Little do they realize that what they are unconsciously doing is training their children to not be able to deal with ‘nothing to do’ time. In reality, each one of us will encounter a time in our lives when we have practically nothing to do. And what we end up overlooking is that children need to develop comfort with themselves. They need to be comfortable in their own company without the electronic world supporting them. Authentic happiness is derived by any human being when they are completely content to be on their own. Having dreams and ambitions is one thing. Of course it’s worth all the effort to work towards accomplishing these dreams but something we also need to provide is ‘alone’ time. Most children would be uncomfortable and restless with ‘aloneness’ and would continue to announce that they are ‘bored’. This word only magnifies with age into loneliness. Part of a very significant training is to allow for some quiet spare time everyday when they do not have anything to do. It is important to make this a time of zero expectations, a time when a child can develop some introspection. This too needs to start early in life. There needs to a place where they are in a peaceful, non-stimulating setting where they develop awareness of themselves. I personally recommend having at least one clutter free room in the house with absolutely minimal furniture and absolutely no toys or electronics. This can be a place where the family can just be – alone or together  – but without any external stimulation or distraction what so ever.
This develops self-confidence like no other training. A child who is aware and comfortable with one self develops into a much more self confident adult. Such individuals develop relationships without depending on them. They develop attachment without the fear of loss or loneliness. They are able to maintain relationships without the unnecessary suspicion or jealousy. It gives them a feeling of worth without always having to feel ‘accepted’ or worrying about being seen with people at all times. This way they develop a sense of security and in turn learn to keep their expectations from others lower as well. This leads to a happier life with lower levels of disappointment. It keeps them away from a craving of being accepted or being helped or supported by others. That’s of course not to say that they will not accept support or help in times of need. It only curbs the wantingness of completeness through the approval  of others.
In truth , we all came alone into this world and will leave alone. In between we train ourselves and our children to want, cling, possess, attach, and belong to others for happiness. It all works out great while we continue to get what we desire. And then we continue to want, cling, possess, attach  and belong even more. This goes on and on to an unending extent unless we decide to put in the effort to train ourselves and our children to be content by being ‘alone’. Only once we know ourselves and are at ease with ourselves can we feel confident and comfortable treading on any path that we choose to. Freeing up some time from our children’s lives prepares them for this reality without being ‘bored’ every time they have a few minutes to do ‘nothing’. The sooner we get this word out of their lives, the better it is for them.

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Being a non-attached parent

How ‘non-attached’ can parents be? While we love our kids so much, we want everything that we believe is the best for them. We nurture desires for them to achieve, we support them in striving towards these and feel extremely proud and happy of their accomplishments. Nothing wrong with it at all. Yeah, there is a possibility that they may not come right up to our expectations of them but we continue to re-align our expectation so the we don’t get disappointed. One little problem though, who is our real child? What are their real characteristics?
Essentially what we are doing is that in the name of love, we are binding our children into an ‘image’ of them that sits in our minds. We build this ‘image’, know it much better than what’s ‘out there’ which happens to be our real child. We nurture dreams about this ‘image’ that’s within us, ‘support’ or try to transform our real child to fit into this ‘image’ that we have created. If they do something that does not necessarily belong with this ‘image’, we get upset and angry, especially if this happens unannounced. A simple example could be that this ‘image’ of our growing child is a willing helper at home and if he refuses to ‘mow the lawn’ for whatever reason, we get upset and angry about it. Because what we have done, is gotten attached to this ‘image’ of our child that sits in our mind. To make things worse, we have unknowingly attached ourselves to this ‘image’ as well. So now, we have trapped ourselves with the ‘image’ of our child. We now take ownership of the expectations that we set, get anxious about these and suffer if they don’t get fulfilled. Ever wondered why children are not as often disappointed in their parents as parents are in their kids? May be, because children love their parents in a non-attached manner. Because they don’t attach themselves to the tangible and non-tangible things about their parents. They expect less than what they love . Similarly, if we are able to have a non-attached view of our children as individuals, we not only nurture their real characteristics but also liberate ourselves from the emotions that attachment is usually associated with.
While we strive for this ‘non-attached’ extreme, which is almost impossible, we can hopefully find a comfortable midway where only the positives of attachment stay with us. We as parents can still feel happy in their success and proud of their accomplishments but liberate ourselves from the negatives such as annoyance, disappointment and suffering. While we get busy finding this mid-point, our children find ways of growing up and building skills that really define who they are. While we are willing to give up something that we believe is vital to our happiness, our children find personal ways of staying happy. The end result, I have to admit, is much more satisfying – a learned non-attached happiness that is not perceived as ‘forced upon’ by the kids.
Perhaps this is why non-attachment is now recognized as a management/leadership skill besides already being an essential ingredient of medical training and other life-saving professions. It is about time parenthood recognizes the importance of this skill to nurture and sustain healthy growth which is free of selfish desires.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Digital Parenting

A new dimension has recently been added to parenting. Up until now, it was well defined by good nutrition, good exercise, good education and good moral values, all delivered and packaged into instructions, handed over to us by our previous generations. As parents, we know what is right for our children and all that was needed was involvement and lots of love and care to build upon each of these dimensions, uniquely catered to our child’s needs, in an environment hand picked by us. And now comes the ‘digital’ world. Suddenly we have something that was not handed down to us by our parents. In fact, our children are savvier and more connected via the digital world than we are. More than any other generation has ever been. They have an immense exposure to information, technology and social media such as email, chat, networking and buzz. So now parenting has a whole new dimension – Digital Parenting.
          My brother was surprised to see me – a completely non techy person, so involved in facebook and other social networking sites. Come to think of it, how do we really make major decisions in the lives of children? Consider buying a house. We first short list a few houses based on our research. We drive around the neighborhood to get feel for the environment. We then meet some neighbors to understand the ‘culture’ so to speak. When deciding upon a school, we take tour of the school, meet with the administrators, teachers and possibly other students. Essentially like anything else in life, we are using our good judgment coupled with experience to ‘pick’ the right choice for our child. And once the choice is made, a well guided learning process begins, showing them how to observe, analyze, absorb, and respond to the new neighborhood and the school. Now the next step is to stay involved all along and watch for signs of stress or any kind of negative behaviors or attitudes that you can warn and protect your child from. Sense them ahead of time and help your child understand how to deal with them. Now switching to the new digital parenting, we need to do the exact same things.
          We need to stay aware of what’s available out there, we need to use it, find out what’s on it, how people use it, understand the ‘culture’ so to speak. Stay involved, look for signs of stress, addiction, or any misuse. As parents we need to bundle up our insight and expand it to the vast, limitless digital world, to make room for our children and guide them how to use it beneficially – something that we learn first hand. It sounds almost fake, but in the virtual world as well, we need to be alive, felt and heard just the same as in the physical world. We need to develop that richness of digital experience just the same as in the physical world. We need to understand the consequences of digital mistakes, and how to correct and learn from them. How we take out time for it without getting addicted to it ourselves, is an example we set for our children. The thought that we still have the responsibility to set an example for the next generation and to guide them vs they teaching us or conducting courses on technology for the ‘parent generation’ , is actually a comforting thought.
          For those parents who derive satisfaction in being able to stay ahead of the curve, Digital Parenting is now an inevitable reality.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Making Decision makers out of our kids

Every moment that we spend with a child, a decision is made. From larger decisions to smaller ones, we devote a lot of our time to making the right decisions for our kids and we all yearn for the day when our children will grow up to have good judgment themselves. So what can we do to make them self reliant and good decision makers? What can we do to instill good values that truly form the basis of all determination? Like any other skill this too needs nurturing and needs the attention for its development. It is something that grows with your child and sometimes involves our growth as well. A step-by-step approach that may require fine tuning to fit each child’s unique level, is presented here.

  1. Choose to let go: We should let go of certain choices that mean a lot to our children and not as much to us. Selection about what to do right now, read a book, solve a puzzle, watch TV, or dance to music is choice worth letting go, because it means a whole lot to your child. Trying to take control of every minute of their lives only makes them more dependent on us. No matter what the age of the child, they like to make these decisions. Just as a gardener does not try to make the seed sprout, he knows without a doubt, that it will happen because that is the natural instinct of the seed. The same way, once we let go, children naturally start developing good judgment.

  1. Give their decisions enough attention: They are still children and they look for your approval. During the process of decision making as well as when the options are being weighed, they like to know that they have your attention. On the one hand we are letting go, but on the other hand it should not be interpreted as indifference. Show interest in what they are thinking, ask questions, nod your head, and discuss various options and their related outcomes.

  1. Have no doubts on their capabilities: This whole process of loosening the strings a little bit not only helps us understand the way our children think, but also help us witness their maturity. More parents underestimate the decision making capabilities of their children rather than overestimate them. If we are willing to observe, our children have a unique way of thinking through a problem, and coming up with a solution that may refresh our minds as well. We need to have that faith, just like a letter does not need to be sent twice, we know that the message will be delivered. Similarly, we must have confidence that once we let go and give them our attention, good judgment will come.

  1. Do not attach yourself to the outcome: A little flexibility, a little detachment with the outcome does wonders to this skill that you are developing in your child. We all have a tendency to let the child think through a problem as long as somehow, they end up with the solution that we have predetermined in our mind. We tend to congratulate them if it matches what we had originally thought and continue to work with them if it is even slightly different from what we expected. That’s where we need to fine tune ourselves. You can witness miraculous results once you let go of your attachment to the outcome and let your child stay with the decision they have chosen to make.

Once they begin to reap the harvest of what they sow, they will develop likes and dislikes of their own, and they will learn to make better choices each time as opportunity comes their way. The sooner they learn, to make mistakes, the sooner, they will learn to recover from them. Let them make those choices while you can protect and support them. Incidentally, this is also the time of their life when we are willing to give them our full attention and they are looking towards you for guidance. It does not get any better than that. Don’t make all the choices for them.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Resonance

Resonance is evident in the fact that human mind reacts to a setting. It is the law of nature that brings about harmony and it is something we are naturally designed for. It is materialized in the fact that we set up various rooms in our homes for various purposes. In our home, for example, our family room is filled up with board games, magazines and a comfortable couch. The vibrations of the room also set the tone for our cozy, playful mood, which completely resonates with the space. Our family shares a lot of laughter, and fun times in this room. We don’t wait to be asked to join in, we all just naturally seem to gravitate towards this rhythm of the room. Our dining space on the other hand, is set up to bring out the sparrows in us. We seem to get chirpy and begin to share the day’s happenings in this space. Basically each room has it’s own setting, it’s own tones, it’s own character, it’s own vibes that stimulate our thought and intuit our energies in it’s own unique way.

The awareness and understanding of this concept can allow each family to define a space in their homes where certain activities are ‘generally done’. It creates spaces where certain family values can be emphasized and invoked if necessary. If this is done earlier on, when our children are still young, they grow to resonate with these settings as well. Up until 8 years of age, as defined in the Indian culture, the child’s mind is moldable into cultural and moral compositions of the family. It begins when, each time a baby is held warmly close to his mother, his heartbeat dissolves into that of his mother in order to follow the law of resonance. These chimes continue as the child begins to grow and bloom in their own special way. This very pulse, in their adolescent years, provides them relief from the confusion that starts to develop in their minds. They derive comfort from each space in their home as all the settings begin to show their significance. This is also a time when parents need to develop resonance with their children’s thoughts and feelings. A common setting such as prayer room with a theme melody of truth, helps connect and hold onto the vibrations that were originally emphasized in life.

Naturally our minds and bodies look for rhythms of waves in our surroundings, to tune ourselves with. That is the ultimate reality which when noticed can be harmoniously applied to the upbringing of children to create symphony in family life. 

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

A Jigsaw Puzzle

     It is a well understood fact that as human beings, our actions are driven by our need for love and belonging, power, freedom or fun. If we can begin to identify all actions with one or more of these causes, a reverse theory comes into action. Not only do we begin to get a better understanding of our own motivations, but we also understand what drives the people around us.
      Considering our own children , for example, understanding their personality vs trying to keep them happy through their demanding wants, can be quite a distinguishing factor. Recognizing what makes them happy, takes on a whole new approach. As parents, we've all encountered situations where we have to say 'No' to our children. Many times it reduces to just an ego battle more than anything else. If we do not allow things, they feel restrained. If we allow too much, we begin to evaluate ourselves as parents. If we set the rules, we only get disappointments in return and we tend to feel a loss of authority. The above theory helps us pick our battles right. Analyzing what is the dominating need in our child, is it  love and belonging, or is it power, or is it freedom or just fun. It gives us 'negotiating' powers in many situations which end up being mere 'trade offs'. They might want something really desperately which could be something that you're not willing to give. Knowing what the causing need is, empowers us to suggest the right alternatives, or in some cases it could means taking away a related privilege. 
    Once we learn this skill of analyzing and applying , it has an amazing effect on the growth of the child and also on our own peace of mind. Extrapolating this very concept to our workplace helps us get the best out of our co-workers or makes us more effective managers. Socially, as well, once we train our minds for this exercise, it is only a matter of time and the world around us starts to fit in like the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. 

Saturday, February 19, 2011

A gifted society through gifted children

The best gift that we can give to our gifted child is our attention. For that matter all children deserve that gift from us. And our return gift is of course the pleasure of discovering their personality as it unfolds. As Albert Einstein puts it, “The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.” Our dedication as adults to restore that gift, can do wonders for the next generation society. We need our attention to discover if routine is the key of our child’s future or is it destroying our child’s potential. We need our judicious mind to determine a structure that will ascertain our child’s innovation through logical thinking.

          Some children will give their best in a large setting while others will unfold in a smaller one. And to establish that, the important thing is to not stop listening, touching, sensing and feeling what our child feels. It’s our greatest opportunity to live those years again, to see things as they see them, to hear the music that they dance to, and speak the same language that they do, It’s our opportunity to discover their talents that yes, we expected them to have and rejoice the surprises that we receive all along. It’s our window to a whole new world with greater enthusiasm and wisdom. It’s our opportunity to discover the gift that our child is born with and the gift that has been bestowed upon us. Once we start to feel what our child feels, they too begin to feel what we feel. It is mutual, the respect, the affection, the awareness and the gratitude. Both generations begin to live in harmony with the sole exhilaration of achievement.

          And that alone sets the stage for inspiration, development, excellence and unimaginable revolution. If each one of us plays our role of being a sensitive adult, we’ve set the foundation for a gifted society.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Conflict Resolution through patience

This time of the year, each year, the work load on children increases. At school as well as everywhere else, they experience a lot more. They grow, and every one around them also grows. Each child begins to bloom in their own special way. They tend to absorb a lot more from around them and start to repeat things as they see them. In the process, depending on where they see things, how they interpret it, and how and when they decide to repeat these, sometimes leads them to behaviors which may not be as acceptable or even appropriate for that matter. And that begets conflict.

As adults, while we all try to get a lot more done during these months, it is extremely important that we continue to bond and communicate with our children, so we can listen, observe, sense and experience first hand any signs that might lead to such behaviors or conflicts. As parents and guides, it becomes our role to share with our kids that while we have no control over others’ actions, we do have control over our own. To build stronger and wiser individuals of our kids, we can talk to them and help them interpret stimuli around them, develop positivity within them and design a response which will make a better individual of them.

A 'difference of opinion' among children could be an opportunity to deepen or damage a friendship, the essential contributing factor being the attitude of each individual involved. While Tolerance may cause more damage, Patience can deepen the bond and help them walk away with courage and optimism. Tolerance that involves letting a child get away with inappropriate or disturbing behavior without getting disturbed ourselves, sets the wrong rules. It in fact encourages the child to do more such behaviors and may cause self pity, and a lower self esteem among other affected children. On the other hand, patience allows understanding of the behavior and hence forgiving the behavior. Speaking with the child to hear their point of view, to understand why they did what they did, and how they could have handled their expression in a dignified way, says to them that you care. Patiently explaining to the affected child where this all came from, helps the affected child understand that we are all human and every opportunity is an opportunity to grow. It’s a opportunity for them to know this could happen again, it’s an opportunity for them to be better prepared next time, it’s an opportunity for them to help the other child grow and remember their boundaries and it’s an opportunity for them to respond rather than react.

No doubt, conflicts if ignored or suppressed act as rising waters that have been dammed. The longer they are held and allowed to rise, the more wrathfully they are let out. Trying to tame these rapid and mighty waters at that time requires much more energy and patience. The sooner they are addressed, the easier they are to handle. Observing and patiently dealing with such beautiful and wonderful creations, children, offers lessons for life and makes this an opportunity for us adults to grow as well.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

The Education System – As Is

We all recognize that no system is perfect. When we look at the Education system for example, depending on who is looking at it and from what angle, it seems like there are a lot of pieces that need to be worked upon individually and in the way they have all been put together. Yes, it may have started off as a factory/assembly line model a century ago when children were bucketed together by age group and were made to study the same things at the same time. This worked well during the Industrial revolution except later, it was realized that there really was no Quality Assurance put in place in the form standardized tests. It put total dependence on individual teachers and their personal qualification and skill level.

Then, to solve this problem came the ‘No Child left Behind’ act to measure the success of all schools against one standard testing bar. To ensure success of the NCLB act, federal funding was based on the performance of each school. Where money is a great motivator, it also is a creator of many issues. As these issues began to surface, it was time to replace this act by ‘Race to The Top’ program which promises to address the loop holes of the NCLB act and adds some very competitive ways to acquire the same funding. While the intelligentsia in the education industry puts their heads together to put together a ‘corporate’ plan to define, execute and exceed expectations, parents and families are left to discover the fast transitions that this industry is trying to make. As it is they come from a generation where things were taught differently, and children refuse to accept their academic superiority, because that confuses them. And now things change so drastically and at such a fast pace that everyone has a tough time coping with this change driven by political Acts.

Children continue to grow while the systems are struggling to catch up. What families need is someone to help their child learn and not just get educated. Children need individual attention, an individual pace, independent thinking, social experience, creative time, physical activity, interaction with kids of similar intellectual levels, safe environment and a guided structure. While our current system is evolving to provide all of this, all at once and is approaching the ‘perfect’ scenario, more and more parents look for ways to adopt a DIY (Do It Yourself) attitude so their child’s learning is not compromised. Some do plenty of leg work to find the best fit school for their child, others turn to home schooling and many others look for supplemental education. While finding the best fit school does most of the job, some kids may still need some fine tuning. Home Schooling on the other hand, puts direct control in the hands of parents but may leave a social void in the minds of the child. Supplemental Education, when done right, has the potential of catering to individual needs. I believe, America needs more people dedicated to this field who continue to strive to fill up the gaps that are left in each child’s academic growth and education while our system evolves to follow the pace of the world. This may sound as a bandage solution but it really is long term, because no Education system will ever by perfect. A well designed supplemental education system comes with less restrictions and boundaries and a capability to quickly adapt to the needs of each child.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Singapore Math Vs Russian Math

Singapore Math is a technique that teaches children how to convert a Math word problem into a picture problem. This is a familiar strategy when children learn the concept of fractions early on in their lives. They learn to slice a pie into equal parts or draw bars to represent fractions. Singapore Math extends the same technique to a variety of different Math problems. Most word problems can be converted to a problem that involves bars sliced up in certain proportions. Relationships between various bars representing the various data elements in the given problem, leads the child to the solutions using only the four basic mathematical operations – addition, subtraction, multiplication and division. Once they have the bars set up correctly, solving the problem becomes extremely simple for them. This phenomenal concept, if mastered, removes the grade limitations on the child’s Math handling abilities. Children are able to solve much harder problems in Math which prepares them directly for competitions such as SAT. It not only provides extra challenge to the kids, but also makes them feel confident and accomplished. Children who are trained well in Singapore Math, do not shy away from challenging Math problems. In fact they are on the look out for more challenge all the time.

            Like everything else in this world, Singapore Math may not be for your child but it may be worth a try. Russian Math on the other hand, is more traditional, text book style Math that most of us grew up with, a generation ago. The child is ready to absorb Algebra, and Geometry the more traditional way, learning one chapter at a time cover to cover but much before they will hear of it in schools. This accelerates their pace of learning and teaches them concepts early on, leaving more time to absorb and re-learn as they prepare themselves for competitions in high school. While Singapore Math opens up the Math mind of your child for ‘outside the box’ creative thinking, Russian Math loads up the ‘out of the box’ thinking. Whatever works for your child, kind of sets a tone for the rest of their lives. My personal conclusion is that, while Russian Math is hard work, Singapore Math is smart work.