Chat with Meena Sundaram for SBAGD

Hello everyone, my name is Gauri and our guest today at The Foundations TV is Meena Sundaram, the ever smiling, bubbly and happy person that you have seen in almost all events that are organized here in New England. Meena has this unique spontaneity that galvanizes others around her as well naturally makes her the first choice of non-profit organizations and community groups when they need someone to take an idea from a concept to reality. With her energy, practical skills as well as intellect, it is absolutely no wonder that she involves  herself in such diverse activities. Most of us know her as a cardiologist or a sweet voice of New England, but what you may not know is that she has written and directed a musical play, loves to cook exotic dishes, loves to play tennis, enjoys travelling and is a movie lover as well. So that actually brings us to our first question to Meena:

Gauri: Which one of these is closest to your heart. If you had a day to yourself with no deadlines or a to-do list to keep up with, what would you choose to do?

Meena: oh boy! A day off, that’s always everybody’s best dream. I would wake up late, go for a nice long walk, talk to my neighbors, have lunch with a friend, and listen to some nice raga based music. I would pick up my son early and spend some time with him, play with him and take him out for ice cream and cook dinner for my husband.
Gauri: So looks like it is a blend of all the different activities that you like, music, cooking, spending time with family and friends. Everything  that you enjoy doing will be part of your special day. I think that also leads us to something that I have observed about you while working with you that you do great people skills. I personally would like to add to that since I have worked with you for a qawaali for the Madhubala show. Working with so many of us, there were various opinions at various points but you made us all feel on one side together as a team. You made everyone feel so comfortable and proud of their contributions.
Meena: Thank you. It was pleasure to work with so many beautiful women.

Gauri: So with so many things that you are involved with what is it that keeps you going? We all have our ‘low days’, on those days what lifts you up to keep moving?
Meena: You’re absolutely right, one does not always wake up like an energizer bunny. What motivates me is the purpose, the focus on the things that need to be done and the enthusiasm that I have, while working on a project with the people I work with. There’s so much to organize, co-ordinate, and the motivation comes  from that. In addition there is always that sensation that as long as we don’t complete our goal, our work is not done, so one does plow through no matter a good day or bad day
Gauri: That’s great, so I hear that on the one hand there is a to-do list kind of banging on the door and on the other hand the energy that comes from within your own mind that you have long term goal and that you need to achieve something. 

Gauri: Tell us about your current project, Sahib Bibi aur Guru Dutt?

Meena: This is a project that is very close to my heart. I have been interested in Guru Dutt ji’s life and his story for the last few years. His creativity is fascinating to me as much as the personal demons he had to deal with. I have been researching his relationships with his wife Geeta Dutt as well as that with Waheeda Rehman. Some people who became stall birds and celebrities due to working with him. So, the attempt is to represent this in a very in-depth, focused way so that the people actually have a look at the man, the people he was with, his career and his life. I want people to leave the show knowing a lot more about him. It can also be an eye-opener for the new generation to know him as a great director. As you know Pyaasa, one of his films is considered as one of the best 100 films ever by Time magazine. I am also very honored to do this show for Snehalaya which was featured in Satyame Vijayate a few months ago. This is non-profit organization that is doing fantastic work with rehabilitating prostitutes, sex workers, the education and health of their children. In all this is a wonderful combination of talented people in this area who have taken this project as their own and are all helping to make this happen. Hope to see everyone on September 7^th

Gauri: Thanks for sharing all this fantastic information Meena. I am also interested to know , since there are so many events happening, what makes SBAGD unique?

Meena: What we are trying to do in this event is trying to tell the story of Guru Dutt’s life, in the context of his career as well as his personal life. It is going to be a bit of his chronology of films in addition to all that happened like people he met, people he worked with. So, we are doing a complex of scenes, some narration about his life, songs, all that in a very chronological manner. We are also involving lot of actors from the area to perform as actors such a Dev Anand, Madhubala etc. We have of course, singers singing a bunch of songs and we have a few artists who are going to be helping with paintings that depict these wonderful movies and we plan to use them as some of our stage design. So, we are trying to get all the arts ~ music, dramatics, visual arts incorporated in telling the story of Guru Dutt.
Gauri: That is a truly beautiful concept and a very nice combination. We would absolutely love for all of the audiences who are watching this video to come and see this beautiful combination that Meena is creating on September 7^th, 2013.

Gauri:  What’s your key to success? What is that one thing that always works for you?

Meena: What is important to me is to truly believe in what I am doing. I am a very project based, topic based person. I like to focus and then develop that idea. As you know it takes a village for anything to happen. You start with a seed, and then you add all the ingredients, water, sunlight etc. get the right environment set up for that seed to germinate. So every idea is ultimately about that. The whole process has to be so much fun. I hope it is fun for everybody involved. It becomes a journey that we tread on together. In addition I feel if you have an idea, work on it, do something with it other than it be forgotten and wither away and die. So if you have a desire to do something, you have to get up and do something about it.

Gauri: I think this is truly you Meena, because I totally agree with what you just said that if you believe in it, you will make it happen. And I have personally seen you believe in it so passionately that everyone around you also gets motivated and feels part of the journey. That is something that you do Meena, and you create that congeniality around yourself. Even so many months ahead of time, we’re still in May and the show is in September and everybody I’ve met in the last couple of weeks is already looking forward to this show. They are also part of this show. We can all feel the energy flowing into the community. This is what I think makes you unique and that’s what makes this show unique. So, congratulations for that. This is a beautiful quality to have in a human being.

Gauri: Your presence itself is extremely inspiring to those around you and being mentored by you is priceless indeed. For those who are listening to this interview and those who are starting out, what’s your motivational message?

Meena: Totally agree with you Gauri, that creativity is a gift that must be used very well and very wisely. A creative person should be motivated by the desire to achieve their dream rather than a desire to beat others or compete with others. So as long as one is true to their idea, their concept, you can create it. In fact you can be equally creative as a team member, knowing your role in a project, helping your friends at the same time. We are so lucky in the New England area to have a community of people where we help each other on various projects. We all take leadership at various levels while the other members join in and assist each other achieving their dream. So this is really a community being creative, which is very important.

Gauri: That is such a lovely message for everybody who is starting out and is also the essence of The Foundations TV that comparisons should be used as an inspiration and not to enhance a competitive spirit within ourselves. So as Meena said, it is not about beating other people or moving ahead of other people, but it is about moving ahead of yourselves, and pushing yourselves to reach your own potential, and keep growing and enriching your life. Yes, it is about entertainment but it is also about enriching your own life and of those around you.
Thank you so much Meena for this interview. It was absolutely wonderful to have you over today and talk to you. I am totally in love with you. I am a big fan of yours, I have to tell you that.

Meena: I have to say the feeling is mutual. I do appreciate you inviting me to Foundations TV and for asking such wonderful questions. Again, I am just happy to be where I am and happy to do events for charities and fund raisers. Thank you so much.

Gauri: It was so much fun talking to Meena Sundaram today. Just like to re-iterate that the new show which is Sahib, Bibi aur Guru Dutt is coming up September 7^th, 2013. We look forward to seeing all of you there. This is going to be in the Keefe Tech auditorium in Framingham starting at 5:30 sharp. The tickets are already available on Lokvani as well as Boston Desi Connection. So, please go ahead and reserve your seats. This is going to be one incredible not-to-miss show. We’re going to have a lot of fun and it is also for a beautiful cause which is for Snehalaya , an organization that was featured in Amir Khan’s Satyame Vijayate. Also there is a facebook event listed, please join that so you can start receiving updates about it as well. We look forward to seeing you all.

to view the video interview, please visit
www.thefoundations.tv

Launching The Foundations TV

This blog is to introduce The foundations TV which is being launched today. This is a community video channel being developed with the intent of spreading inspiration through awareness. We strongly believe that each of us has gift, a little bit of divinity within us that manifests itself as our talents, our passions, and our successes. And that is what we want to hear about. We want to be able to reach within you and seek that energy that holds the potential to inspire others as well. That light within you that reflects itself so beautifully to the world that it can stimulate others to give their best as well.

Something that you feel good about and something that keeps you going, your qualities that influence the world around you that arouses positivity. Something that continues to develop you as a person certainly becomes a source to those around you as well. It could be in the fields of dance, drama, music, yoga or meditation, or any form of art, a close-to-your-heart project in the professional world or even cooking, gardening or something as natural as being a mom or a dad. Something that brings a smile to your face and will certainly do the same for others as well.

Our community is such a vibrant community, bubbling with creativity. There is so much happening these days. We want to be able to play our part in promoting and encouraging talent. If you have an event coming up,  share that with the world through this channel as well. We would love to talk to you and work with you in launching that event with you.

On that note, we would like to share that our first partner in this endeavor is our very own Meena Sundaram who is currently putting together Sahab bibi aur Guru Dutt ~ a musical show to be performed on September 7^th, 2013. I personally am super excited to be leading the publicity for that show through The Foundations TV. In the upcoming months we look forward to talking to the talented core team members of SBAGD, to hearing their passions and interests and to loving them for who they are and what they bring to this beautiful world. We look forward to collaborating with local organizations as well as individuals to create something unique that enlivens an exalting emotion within the community and across the world; an emotion of creativity, that of positivity, an emotion of self-confidence and an emotion of sustainable, undeniable self-esteem.

So go ahead and send us your information or that of someone who you believe has that light that inspires others. This is a channel for you and the best way to get in touch would be through our website www.thefoundations.tv

Vasanth Kumar Shivshankar Padukone

Vasanth Kumar Shivshankar Padukone – a.k.a Guru Dutt was known to possess questing imagination and boundless energy giving him great creativity and innovative potential. At the age of 14 he would use his fingers and palms to create shapes on the walls lit up by candles as his grandma performed the evening arti. He would produce inspiring movements and even persuade his uncle to photograph his ‘snake dance’ movements. He later performed this very snake dance at a puja gathering and was given 5 rupees for it, probably marking his entry into performing arts.

          With his extremely fierce originality and effective practical skills, he most logically did not go to college. Instead he chose to join the performing arts troupe. Though some theories link that to his troubled childhood and tough financial and emotional conditions of his family, it provided him a means to supplement his intellect through his talent. His real life experiences here probably started to play a significant role in the resonance with the movies of the 50s as well. The Bollywood movies of the post-colonial nation mostly had characters who do not follow the rules of the system. And many of the characters from him films later, did exactly that. He first entered the industry as a dance director while he also started to work as an assistant director and actor in small roles. His first big films in direction were Baaz (1951) and then Jaal (1952). It was during this time when he met Geeta Roy and married her. His first big film as an actor in lead role was Baazi, which did not do too well at the Box-office. But later came Aar Paar which was a huge hit under his banner, followed by Mr and Mrs 55 and CID, both produced by Guru Dutt. Despite some failures along the way, some of the movies directed by him such as Pyasa did extremely well and continue to be associated with his name. His biggest flop was the self-reflective Kaagaz Ke Phool and he did not really recover from the rejection of the film by the audiences. It is believed that even though he had a healthy self-esteem, he was not particularly good at taking rejection or setbacks. Mental exhaustion took over and the ‘feeling-low’ started to infuse itself into his real life. It is believed that his frustrations, bitterness and disillusions affected his marital life as well as his health. He started to depend more and more on smoking, drinking and even sleeping pills. In 1962, his biggest block buster Sahib, Bibi aur Gulam, in which he played the lead role, was directed by his long-time friend. But even the huge success of this film did not translate itself into happiness in his life as the turmoil in his marriage, his troubled love-life, his alcoholism as well as his intense personality contributed in some way to his multiple suicide attempts. His ultimate death in 1964 is widely believed to be a conscious overdose of sleeping pills, though some argue that this was accidental more than intentional as it was infused in alcohol.

Though his brilliant career came to a premature end, his films have been always recognized for  their excellence and brilliance in all aspects of film making including cinematic elements from lighting and camera work to film composition. Later on, his films started to get even more recognition and were shown in film festivals all over India. They were also well-noted for how vividly his characters were sketched and how beautifully his songs were picturized. He earned a place in the hearts of many people then and beyond his living years. The works he left behind continue to enthrall audiences. 

Sahab, Bibi aur Guru Dutt: This blog has been written by Gauri Chandna, to build awareness around the Boston Based show Sahab, Bibi Aur Guru Dutt that is being designed to display  the story of the legendary Guru Dutt, his films, his illustrious career along with unforgettable melodies from his films. This show promises to be a wonderful nostalgic journey into the life, career, loves and music of Guru Dutt with scenes from his films. Join us on Sept 7th 2013! All proceeds to benefit Snehalaya www.snehalaya.org.

Make it a joy ride

Early adolescence – it is a stage that begins somewhere between 9 and 12 years of age with a loss. A loss of traditional playfulness and childhood interests, and unfortunately also a loss of traditional bonding and compatibility with parents. It is also a beginning to a journey that is still unclear, undefined, and unspecified. The child who is used to being told what to do and being treated like a child begins to start feeling disconnected to eventually reach a transition point where they stop accepting parental guidance without being judgmental about it.

Once we, as parents realize this, it becomes our job to learn to adapt to these changes that our child is going through. It does become difficult to stay connected with our child, but it is by far the most important time of their lives when we need to stay involved and interested in everything they do, inspite of the ‘leave-me-alone’ signals that they begin to transmit. The parent-child relationship is then going through the most difficult developmental challenge that includes changes in the levels of attachment, compatibility and compliance. Adolescent kids are ready to explore the ‘family’ of friends and look for attachments outside their blood relations with a goal of social independence. They are ready to differentiate themselves as individuals accommodating new interests and values that appeal to them. They develop a tendency to form opinions about family rules and restraints only to establish freedom of choice. In the process of ‘growing up’ and developing self-determination, they voice their opinions which have the potential of being misinterpreted by parents as opposition and rebelliousness. In reality, this too is a developmental stage that we , as parents, need to recognize as a natural phenomenon. Though they themselves are going through major painful trade-offs, a perceived lack of support or freedom within the family can lead to insecurity, anxiety and loneliness through these years.

The challenge for parents is to make them feel secure without making them feel intruded upon, to treat them as adults without losing sight of the child in them, to allow them to experiment with life within safe and respectful limits; and most of all without judging them or their actions as good or bad. It is absolutely critical for parents to maintain the positive communication even through all conflicts and differences of opinion. While accepting that our child is on his/her own developmental trajectory, we need to continue to provide structure and supervision to help channel this growth so it unfolds constructively and responsibly.

Looking beyond self-development and conflicts within the family, our adolescent is also going through physical changes and depending on the environment they are in, may even be witnessing glimpses of negativity such as teasing, exclusion, bullying, rumoring, ganging up  and teen dating abuse. Each one of these can be elaborated upon separately but for the purposes of this particular blog, it suffices to say that positive communication and perceived support must always be maintained. Our children must be encouraged to share not only their positive and negative observations of their world but also relate incidents neutrally which may not seem ‘negative’ to them as a young adult. As parents, we may be able to see through certain actions and incidents that could potentially cause anxiety at a later stage.

Generation gap is one challenge and cultural variation is another one that immigrant parents need to bridge. We grow up in different countries with slightly different values, adapt ourselves with the adult culture in the adopted country and now have to condition ourselves to adolescent culture as well. By far this is the most challenging stage an immigrant family has to go through but with sufficient openness and adaptability, this promises to be the most joyful time for a family as well.

This blog is the first in the series of an attempt to raising preventive awareness among Asian families living in the New England area about teen dating abuse. This is being published as a support to the cause of ATASK, a $1.7M, United Way-affiliated, non-profit that operates New England's only multilingual and culturally relevant emergency shelter, advocacy services, and linguistically and culturally relevant outreach and education programs for Asian communities. Their main focus is prevention through awareness, and support through shelters and counseling, the victims of Domestic Violence and Teen Dating Abuse. For more information about please visit their website www.atask.org 

Bored?

Our children are growing up in times when there’s plenty to do. Their brains are continuously stimulated by toys at home, electronics such as DVD players, video games, and smart phones even in the cars.Theres lots of ‘pressure’ to be ‘included’ with other children. All of that fills up their day with activities where they can make more friends. With an effort to get socially acceptable, they end up hopping from one activity to the other with a desire to excel in each. During this up bringing, a subtle message of ‘achievement’ is given to our children. Doing well in all the activities , being ‘liked’ by everyone, becomes a measure that unfortunately children begin to gauge themselves against. In this process, we are training our kids to stay away from ‘loneliness’ because  that word itself carries a negative aura along with it which has the potential of developing into major problems later on in life. We know that we cannot fabricate their future entirely but we can certainly  try and equip them with skills to keep themselves occupied and busy while they make the right choices in their lives and feel accomplished in the decisions they take. And dedication of ours fills up their day a little too much.

In today’s fast paced societies all activities – social, educational and entertaining, are very carefully chosen by parents in order to ensure that their children never feel ‘bored’. Little do they realize that what they are unconsciously doing is training their children to not be able to deal with ‘nothing to do’ time. In reality, each one of us will encounter a time in our lives when we have practically nothing to do. And what we end up overlooking is that children need to develop comfort with themselves. They need to be comfortable in their own company without the electronic world supporting them. Authentic happiness is derived by any human being when they are completely content to be on their own. Having dreams and ambitions is one thing. Of course it’s worth all the effort to work towards accomplishing these dreams but something we also need to provide is ‘alone’ time. Most children would be uncomfortable and restless with ‘aloneness’ and would continue to announce that they are ‘bored’. This word only magnifies with age into loneliness. Part of a very significant training is to allow for some quiet spare time everyday when they do not have anything to do. It is important to make this a time of zero expectations, a time when a child can develop some introspection. This too needs to start early in life. There needs to a place where they are in a peaceful, non-stimulating setting where they develop awareness of themselves. I personally recommend having at least one clutter free room in the house with absolutely minimal furniture and absolutely no toys or electronics. This can be a place where the family can just be – alone or together  – but without any external stimulation or distraction what so ever.

This develops self-confidence like no other training. A child who is aware and comfortable with one self develops into a much more self confident adult. Such individuals develop relationships without depending on them. They develop attachment without the fear of loss or loneliness. They are able to maintain relationships without the unnecessary suspicion or jealousy. It gives them a feeling of worth without always having to feel ‘accepted’ or worrying about being seen with people at all times. This way they develop a sense of security and in turn learn to keep their expectations from others lower as well. This leads to a happier life with lower levels of disappointment. It keeps them away from a craving of being accepted or being helped or supported by others. That’s of course not to say that they will not accept support or help in times of need. It only curbs the wantingness of completeness through the approval  of others.

In truth , we all came alone into this world and will leave alone. In between we train ourselves and our children to want, cling, possess, attach, and belong to others for happiness. It all works out great while we continue to get what we desire. And then we continue to want, cling, possess, attach  and belong even more. This goes on and on to an unending extent unless we decide to put in the effort to train ourselves and our children to be content by being ‘alone’. Only once we know ourselves and are at ease with ourselves can we feel confident and comfortable treading on any path that we choose to. Freeing up some time from our children’s lives prepares them for this reality without being ‘bored’ every time they have a few minutes to do ‘nothing’. The sooner we get this word out of their lives, the better it is for them.

Being a non-attached parent

How ‘non-attached’ can parents be? While we love our kids so much, we want everything that we believe is the best for them. We nurture desires for them to achieve, we support them in striving towards these and feel extremely proud and happy of their accomplishments. Nothing wrong with it at all. Yeah, there is a possibility that they may not come right up to our expectations of them but we continue to re-align our expectation so the we don’t get disappointed. One little problem though, who is our real child? What are their real characteristics?

Essentially what we are doing is that in the name of love, we are binding our children into an ‘image’ of them that sits in our minds. We build this ‘image’, know it much better than what’s ‘out there’ which happens to be our real child. We nurture dreams about this ‘image’ that’s within us, ‘support’ or try to transform our real child to fit into this ‘image’ that we have created. If they do something that does not necessarily belong with this ‘image’, we get upset and angry, especially if this happens unannounced. A simple example could be that this ‘image’ of our growing child is a willing helper at home and if he refuses to ‘mow the lawn’ for whatever reason, we get upset and angry about it. Because what we have done, is gotten attached to this ‘image’ of our child that sits in our mind. To make things worse, we have unknowingly attached ourselves to this ‘image’ as well. So now, we have trapped ourselves with the ‘image’ of our child. We now take ownership of the expectations that we set, get anxious about these and suffer if they don’t get fulfilled. Ever wondered why children are not as often disappointed in their parents as parents are in their kids? May be, because children love their parents in a non-attached manner. Because they don’t attach themselves to the tangible and non-tangible things about their parents. They expect less than what they love . Similarly, if we are able to have a non-attached view of our children as individuals, we not only nurture their real characteristics but also liberate ourselves from the emotions that attachment is usually associated with.

While we strive for this ‘non-attached’ extreme, which is almost impossible, we can hopefully find a comfortable midway where only the positives of attachment stay with us. We as parents can still feel happy in their success and proud of their accomplishments but liberate ourselves from the negatives such as annoyance, disappointment and suffering. While we get busy finding this mid-point, our children find ways of growing up and building skills that really define who they are. While we are willing to give up something that we believe is vital to our happiness, our children find personal ways of staying happy. The end result, I have to admit, is much more satisfying – a learned non-attached happiness that is not perceived as ‘forced upon’ by the kids.

Perhaps this is why non-attachment is now recognized as a management/leadership skill besides already being an essential ingredient of medical training and other life-saving professions. It is about time parenthood recognizes the importance of this skill to nurture and sustain healthy growth which is free of selfish desires.

Digital Parenting

A new dimension has recently been added to parenting. Up until now, it was well defined by good nutrition, good exercise, good education and good moral values, all delivered and packaged into instructions, handed over to us by our previous generations. As parents, we know what is right for our children and all that was needed was involvement and lots of love and care to build upon each of these dimensions, uniquely catered to our child’s needs, in an environment hand picked by us. And now comes the ‘digital’ world. Suddenly we have something that was not handed down to us by our parents. In fact, our children are savvier and more connected via the digital world than we are. More than any other generation has ever been. They have an immense exposure to information, technology and social media such as email, chat, networking and buzz. So now parenting has a whole new dimension – Digital Parenting.

          My brother was surprised to see me – a completely non techy person, so involved in facebook and other social networking sites. Come to think of it, how do we really make major decisions in the lives of children? Consider buying a house. We first short list a few houses based on our research. We drive around the neighborhood to get feel for the environment. We then meet some neighbors to understand the ‘culture’ so to speak. When deciding upon a school, we take tour of the school, meet with the administrators, teachers and possibly other students. Essentially like anything else in life, we are using our good judgment coupled with experience to ‘pick’ the right choice for our child. And once the choice is made, a well guided learning process begins, showing them how to observe, analyze, absorb, and respond to the new neighborhood and the school. Now the next step is to stay involved all along and watch for signs of stress or any kind of negative behaviors or attitudes that you can warn and protect your child from. Sense them ahead of time and help your child understand how to deal with them. Now switching to the new digital parenting, we need to do the exact same things.

          We need to stay aware of what’s available out there, we need to use it, find out what’s on it, how people use it, understand the ‘culture’ so to speak. Stay involved, look for signs of stress, addiction, or any misuse. As parents we need to bundle up our insight and expand it to the vast, limitless digital world, to make room for our children and guide them how to use it beneficially – something that we learn first hand. It sounds almost fake, but in the virtual world as well, we need to be alive, felt and heard just the same as in the physical world. We need to develop that richness of digital experience just the same as in the physical world. We need to understand the consequences of digital mistakes, and how to correct and learn from them. How we take out time for it without getting addicted to it ourselves, is an example we set for our children. The thought that we still have the responsibility to set an example for the next generation and to guide them vs they teaching us or conducting courses on technology for the ‘parent generation’ , is actually a comforting thought.

          For those parents who derive satisfaction in being able to stay ahead of the curve, Digital Parenting is now an inevitable reality.