It is a well understood fact that as human beings, our actions are driven by our need for love and belonging, power, freedom or fun. If we can begin to identify all actions with one or more of these causes, a reverse theory comes into action. Not only do we begin to get a better understanding of our own motivations, but we also understand what drives the people around us.
Considering our own children , for example, understanding their personality vs trying to keep them happy through their demanding wants, can be quite a distinguishing factor. Recognizing what makes them happy, takes on a whole new approach. As parents, we've all encountered situations where we have to say 'No' to our children. Many times it reduces to just an ego battle more than anything else. If we do not allow things, they feel restrained. If we allow too much, we begin to evaluate ourselves as parents. If we set the rules, we only get disappointments in return and we tend to feel a loss of authority. The above theory helps us pick our battles right. Analyzing what is the dominating need in our child, is it love and belonging, or is it power, or is it freedom or just fun. It gives us 'negotiating' powers in many situations which end up being mere 'trade offs'. They might want something really desperately which could be something that you're not willing to give. Knowing what the causing need is, empowers us to suggest the right alternatives, or in some cases it could means taking away a related privilege.
Once we learn this skill of analyzing and applying , it has an amazing effect on the growth of the child and also on our own peace of mind. Extrapolating this very concept to our workplace helps us get the best out of our co-workers or makes us more effective managers. Socially, as well, once we train our minds for this exercise, it is only a matter of time and the world around us starts to fit in like the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.
